Anger

So disclaimer...for some this may be controversial or even painful. It is not the intention 

I do not think that Anger needs to be managed any more than love does. It is a misnomer to believe there are positive and negative emotions. Now, before you start quoting research and putting your hand up,  walk with me a moment.  

Ask yourself, can you hurt someone with love? Can you damage someone with good intentions? What is the road to hell paved with? LOL 

On the other hand, can you do anything positive with anger? Have you ever gotten a jar open or something fixed after you got angry or frustrated enough to give it some muscle? 

How about this? What is better or worse, blind rage or blind love? When we say love is blind is it a compliment? A good way to live?

 Ok I think you get my point or at least I hope you do. It is not healthy to try to subjugate any of our emotions. It is not good to ignore fear for example. Most of us will agree fear is not fun or pleasant. Left unchecked fear can drive us to do more horrible things than anger (but that is for a different chat I think). But what is bravery if not facing fear and balancing it with courage?  

So let's try this, the next time you feel angry ask yourself these questions:

  1. Why am I feeling angry? Or in other words is this anger or something else? (frustration/arrogance/fear)
  2. Am I expressing the amount of this emotion that the situation calls for?
  3. Am I allowing myself to feel this without guilt and go forward with whatever that anger was trying to teach me?
  4. Am I willing to live with the results of how, when, where I am choosing to express this emotion? 

Here is a silly but pretty demonstrative example: 

I am in a coffee shop and I see someone across the room that makes me feel attraction and affection. Would I yell out I LOVE YOU! Would I charge up to the table and dump words into the lap of the person? No? Why not? Because we allow love to grow. We define different types of love for different types of circumstances and relationships. We look at what we want in a love, as well as what we want to give to love and receive from it. We're not afraid to think, write, and sing about it. 

Try doing that with your anger. Accept it as the equally important emotion that it is. Let it grow when it should and not when it shouldn't. Look at it with the same affection, intention and respect we look at love. What kind of anger is it? Does it need to grow or die? Define the type of person you are in your anger just like you do in your love. Don't be afraid of just another emotion. 

If a person tends to love too much and/or inappropriately it is harmful to themselves and others. But somehow it is often turned into a compliment "They love too much" isn't a bad thing. We don't say they have a love control problem. But we've all heard they have an anger control problem. 

 

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